little helping of bitter this morning

sure let's give credit to someone else for my work....

that which does not kill us makes us stronger

are we sure about that? I don't feel so strong, most days I want to crawl up into the fetal position and burrow under the covers until all of this is better. I suppose maybe the stronger comes in because I have not done this....yet

pity party for one

I am trying very hard to be the strong one, the positive attitude, one day at a time, baby steps blah blah one so indulge me in a little whine fest this morning if you will
-David's pain issues kicked into overdrive the weekend of my birthday postponing my birthday dinner at a restaurant I love and only get to umm usually once a year for my birthday
-we postponed to the following weekend the one we spent in the ER after the first of 2 ambulance rides last week
-I have been to zero holiday parties and/or gatherings I haven't even been to a festive lunch. It sucks one of the things I enjoy about the season is seeing and spending time with folks I don't get to see on a regular basis
-Our annual New Years Eve Party will not be happening this year...see above that part about not being able to spend time with friends
-my tree is up but without ornaments. I guess I should be grateful it is a prelit tree or it might not even have lights
-family tradition of each picking out a special ornament each Christmas has not happened
-plans for Christmas dinner involved going out to eat so no one had to cook...that is not an option
-Christmas cards are sitting on the dining room table maybe I'll get them done and out on Christmas Day
-Christmas shopping...the only one getting gifts at this point is Connor everyone else in the family will have to wait
-no holiday concerts or driving around looking at Christmas lights as planned
-I have not watched any Christmas movies or specials yet luckily a few are sitting in my DVR
-our second annual ATL holiday trip to shop, eat and just spend time together did not happen
-my Christmas cheer level is at an all time low....a damn shame as this is normally my favorite holiday and time of the year
so whine whine whine bitch bitch bitch poor me
at least David is home from the hospital and improving, not as fast as I would like but improving. I will find joy and love in the fact the three of us will be together and at home on Christmas day

dug myself into a fairly large hole

just been miserable and down on lots of things in my life right now...without any good cause..and it is wearing thin on me and I am sure on the folks around me too but I can't seem to shake the negativity. I just don't know how to dig myself out while everything & everyone just kinda annoys the hell out of me lately...bleeech

vacation

still desperate for one don't know when or if one will happen anytime soon....which bites let me tell 'ya! We have a couple of weekendy type excursions planned and hopefully home to see my folks this summer but that's all we got and even all that is not set in stone as of yet :(
whine whine whine

I am grateful for my job

truly I am I swear:
I am grateful to get a paycheck every two weeks.
I am grateful for an employer that lets me work sometime unconventional hours so that I can be in school or I can fetch my child when he is early dismissed from his school. They are also okay with the infrequent times I have to bring him along to hang out for a shift.
That being said one of the few perks at getting stuck working on Saturdays was the fact that absolutely no one else was in the offices working, just me except somewhere along the way the owners have started working on Saturdays disturbing my peace and quiet and it makes me very cranky very cranky indeed!

just want to go live in a cave

because people are stupid and I just need a break...mind you I need the cave to have running water, electricity, heat and of course high speed internet access. Come on I may be teetering on the brink and all but I'm not completely crazy

how do you detox?

right now the avoidance tactic seems to be my preferred method and while mostly effective I am sure it will catch up to me and in fact I suppose my current bout of sickness and the spate of aches and pains over above the norm are a direct result of stresses in my life. And they are many too many to go into here and from all facets of my life which makes for...hmmm wonder if that could be factor in my sleep problems? Safe bet who needs a sleep clinic for that diagnosis? So all one or two readers how do you de-stress? I have no free time and no extra money for a weekly massage but damn a spa day sounds like a lovely idea doesn't it?

vacation mode

I'm in it thank you very much. I also a bit whiny about the whole thing if truth be told. I hate car travel hate it with a passion I would rather poke sticks in my eyes than sit in a car for more than an hour at a time but seeing as we can not afford multiple plane tickets we are trapped in the car for like a million hours. No really it is a million at least. And I will whine and complain and dread the whole damn ordeal all of this week plus do massive amounts of laundry, pack, get my hair cut, maybe color it as well, hopefully find time for a pedicure, drop the dog at sleep away camp, buy snacks & drinks for the car trip, charge all electrical type gadgets that need it so C survives the trip without me tossing him it the trunk.
On the plus side I am looking forward to escaping Kville & work for a week, seeing my folks & some family and getting together with some very old and dear friends. Debating back and forth in my head about going to NYC for a day and taking C to the Museum of Natural History. It will be fun but we aren't even there for a full week I don't know...my decision was no yesterday but this morning I got train schedules so we'll see I suppose.

as much as I complain about not having enough time at home

why is it I am about to climb the walls this being only day 2 at home? tomorrow will be day 3 because yes I have strep throat. Of course I do.. I have a million things to do before Sunday's annual Memorial Day Meatfest celebration and an unknown number of folks gathering to attend and I have strep throat.
UGH!
and this was the year I was going to have everything shopped and prepped before the weekend so I would not have to run around the day before like a chicken with my head cut off...ah well not so much this year maybe next?

just how appreciative do I need to be?

got an email from he classroom mom about a pizza lunch for the kids and while she was not going to collect money for a year end gift for the teacher we were free to purchase something individually for her....
Don't get me wrong I appreciate the hell out all teachers period end of story. I come from a family of teachers I am all to well aware of how much blood, sweat and tears as well as cash out of their own pockets goes into teaching. This year, as in years past I have happily contributed my fair share of hand sanitizer, clorox wipes, tissues, pencils anything she has asked for as far as classroom supplies, I have contributed to her birthday gift, Christmas gift, got her chocolate for Valentines Days and supplied a weeks worth of gifts for teacher appreciation week. I was also on the PTA hospitality committee donating food items throughout the year for special days and special treats for the staff. I am tapped out, done, exhausted sorry I do so very much appreciate you I truly do but at this point in the school year I am drawing a line in the sand......till August I'll be more than happy to start donating to the cause by then!

hate long car trips

I do I hate them with a passion. Generally speaking I am in charge of collecting all of the pertinent snacks & drinks, gum, entertainment etc. Not fun I really detest the whole process and then sitting in a car endlessly with nothing to do because yes if I read in the car I get car sick...
Blah oh well at least we have garmin to navigate the trip. I never thought we needed one till we had the use of one no I am wondering if I can even make it around town without it. Luckily the car trip today was not so terrible even though I started the day feeling dizzy and light headed due to a lack of sleep..sucks getting older kids.

just enough time off

to make having to actually come into work absolutely excruciating. I'm off tomorrow but of course back at work on Friday...
Next week back to 40 hour work week and I am dreading it already!

birthday party etiquette

before I knew what was coming out of my mouth I had somehow let David off the hook and offered to take C to a birthday party today.
My dilemma being do I stay for party or just drop off and pick up? When he was younger I stayed. I stayed but unhappily when did the parents start staying for those things? As he got older I started just dropping off and escaping on my own for a hour or 2 but this is a 3 hour extravaganza at a fun center with lots going on and I don't know how much help the mom is going to need. Hell there are some years when if I could skip C's party I would happily do it those places are so very noisy and filled with annoying children-my own included I might add..
Oh well guess I'll grab a handful of ibuprofen and be on my way

Saturday night fun

not not really I am home alone with the dog alternately having the chills and now I am sweating and my tonsil are enlarged so glad I spent my $15 co-pay to figure that out...
D pushed me into going to one of those minute clinics at CVS and I am glad I went the strep test came back negative but it could be a false negative so they also send it out and I should get more info in a few days however this boils down to it is probably viral and you can't take magic pills to feel better, she prescribed me something to gargle with that helps a little but my throat still hurts like hell. If there is no improvement by Monday I am going to call our family doctor because I am telling you this hurts as bad as the strep a few years ago.
The boys took MIL out to dinner I am glad for whatever reason we did not do all of the shopping for the cookout last night or there would be a pile of shrimp here I could not eat. And another thing I am not a big fan of soup, the brothy kind that is, I love clam chowder and pretty much any sort of bisque, chicken noodle not so much and I am tired of jello maybe I'll try some scrambled eggs. And I am bored out of my mind, can't concentrate enough to read a book, tv sucks and blah blah blah, not even getting into the fact that sick or not still have the final on Monday that I need to study for tomorrow isn't life grand?