going to out on a limb here

but I am gonna say that as long as I don't wind up in a neurosurgeon's office with David my birthday tomorrow will be totally awesome and better than last year even if I am working retail x2 tomorrow.

here we are at fall again

my favorite season & the kick-off to the biggies as far as holidays go for our family plus birthdays..and while C's birthday technically a summer birthday he starts planning around October. Last year is pretty much a blur of doctors, hospitals, ambulance rides, stress & sheer panic. I am hoping to enjoy the holiday season a little bit more this year..a trip to the corn maze on tap, pumpkin carving maybe a few halloween decorations I need a costume, rumor has it C will not be trick or treating now that he is the ripe old age of 11 but I have a feeling that may change as the 31st draws a little closer. Thanksgiving, Christmas cards, decorations, baking and perhaps I will finally have that cookie swap party I have wanted to have for forever now! Also on tap will be the plans for a proper garden in the spring. Lots on my to-accomplish list!

now I remember why I hate wearing glasses

I got my first pair of contacts when I graduate high school in um well 1985 and have not worn glasses with any sort of regularity since then. Last year I did get a updated pair of back up glasses but since insurance wasn't paying I went for cheap cheap cheap which meant basically coke bottle glasses but I like the frames a bunch and they were just for emergency purposes. Right in the middle of the holidays and David's medical crises my contacts were giving me fits and I could not wear them for much longer than an hour or two at a time and time was not something I had a lot of so I quit wearing contacts altogether. The glasses oddly do not bother like they did years ago except the whole fogging up when you come in & out of a building in the heat or cold it drives me nuts! Can't they invent glasses that don't do that?

where did my year go?

hard to believe David's neck surgery was just a year ago it seemed to be the catalyst in a very odd doctor/hospital/medical malady filled year for the family. Fingers crossed things have been fairly quiet as of late and hopefully they will stay that way!

the bendy straw

growing up that was the standard of sickness. You would get ginger ale with a bendy straw that was the only time you would have access to bendy straw at the house so of course same goes in my household. In spite of current circumstances we really do not have much cause for the use of bendy straws but we always seemed to have several boxes on hand just in case, in case of what I am not sure but with the near constant weird medical oddities David has suffered recently we have almost exhausted our bendy straw supplies, guess I'll need to add that to this week's grocery list and here is to hoping they will sit in a kitchen cupboard unopened & unneeded for quite some time!

bad luck comes in threes right?

as of yesterday David has had
-3 ambulance trips
-3 ER visits
-3 hospital stays
all in 4 months time...when does the good luck start? Should we buy a lottery ticket this week?

that which does not kill us makes us stronger

are we sure about that? I don't feel so strong, most days I want to crawl up into the fetal position and burrow under the covers until all of this is better. I suppose maybe the stronger comes in because I have not done this....yet

do you like my hat?

I do not consider myself a vain person & I've never had lush gorgeous hair but it was alright I mean I had good hair days occasionally and the bald spots had been sort of tolerable maybe even vaguely amusing but only because I had enough hair to hide them. Except last night I discovered they may being getting harder to hide...insert ginormuos sigh...MIL is suppose to take my to her hairdresser this week and she has been after me to sen a lock of hair to my SIL because and I quote (or paraphrase I suppose) "any hair S gets in Las Vegas is going to better than hair we find here in town" In the mean while I am a hat girl as of now officially. Ran by wally world & got a cute newsboy hat, browsed ebay & amazon and more hat shopping to come...really really soon like this afternoon.

back to the grindstone

it's David's first day back to work! It's time and he is much improved of course I am still concerned but he has reassured me if he did not feel ready he would not be going. It still kinda makes me feel the way I did on C's first day of school. While I hated the circumstances it was kinda nice to have David around the house more, convenient for Christmas break& snow days plus he had been taking C to swimming & basketball as well as frequently having dinner cooked by the time I got home!

I was so busy turning into to my mother

I might have missed the traits of my father that I seem to have picked up too. The whole travel at Christmas thing I am not a fan I want it to all be at my house. Growing up we NEVER went anywhere for Christmas it was always at home anyone & everyone was welcome but my father was not going anywhere for the holiday. I think that tradition started the first year my folks were married and there were issues about whose family they spent the holiday with. Now don't get me wrong I love my family & I hate not to be with them in CT for the holiday but quite frankly I was fussy about driving less than 5 miles to go to MIL's house for Christmas dinner.
We were suppose to go to CT for the holidays this year but did not not due to lack of vacation time and then David's illness would have thrown a wrench into all plans and the blizzard would have really thrown a wrench into things so our not going happened to have worked out. Don't' get me wrong I would have really rather been with my family but I can tell you the travel would have had me grumbling!

cloak of invisibility

I am considering buying a special hat or sweater or shirt that while I am wearing it would indicate leave me alone, don't ask me any questions, tell me about your video games, ask me to fetch you anything, tell me about some car I have no interest in, offer to do a chore you are not quite up to just yet, I do not want a hug I do not want to hear about your day I don't want to talk about mine and sorry Oscar I do not want to pet you right this second. Sometimes I just need quiet and to be still and to have a thought every once in awhile that is just about me. I promise not to wear it often but when I am at the end of my rope watch for it.

but of course we have to toss in a little bit of crazy

MIL has been a rock throughout all of David's medical problems pretty amazing when you stop and think that he is her baby (and quite honestly her favorite but don't tell the others). So completely awesome I could not do it without her, that being said I get a phone call maybe the day after we brought David home from the hospital and there is a woman at church she knows who couldn't walk without a cane had all sorts of problems and when she stopped taking all her medications she got better walks fine now and maybe we should tell the doctor about that when David goes back to see him....
*sigh* yeah I'll get right on that

pity party for one

I am trying very hard to be the strong one, the positive attitude, one day at a time, baby steps blah blah one so indulge me in a little whine fest this morning if you will
-David's pain issues kicked into overdrive the weekend of my birthday postponing my birthday dinner at a restaurant I love and only get to umm usually once a year for my birthday
-we postponed to the following weekend the one we spent in the ER after the first of 2 ambulance rides last week
-I have been to zero holiday parties and/or gatherings I haven't even been to a festive lunch. It sucks one of the things I enjoy about the season is seeing and spending time with folks I don't get to see on a regular basis
-Our annual New Years Eve Party will not be happening this year...see above that part about not being able to spend time with friends
-my tree is up but without ornaments. I guess I should be grateful it is a prelit tree or it might not even have lights
-family tradition of each picking out a special ornament each Christmas has not happened
-plans for Christmas dinner involved going out to eat so no one had to cook...that is not an option
-Christmas cards are sitting on the dining room table maybe I'll get them done and out on Christmas Day
-Christmas shopping...the only one getting gifts at this point is Connor everyone else in the family will have to wait
-no holiday concerts or driving around looking at Christmas lights as planned
-I have not watched any Christmas movies or specials yet luckily a few are sitting in my DVR
-our second annual ATL holiday trip to shop, eat and just spend time together did not happen
-my Christmas cheer level is at an all time low....a damn shame as this is normally my favorite holiday and time of the year
so whine whine whine bitch bitch bitch poor me
at least David is home from the hospital and improving, not as fast as I would like but improving. I will find joy and love in the fact the three of us will be together and at home on Christmas day

now the dog is limping

in the midst of the whirlwind medical problems that landed David in the hospital I woke up Friday morning to a sick little boy...ok already he is not so little but he is only 10 and he's my little boy. The first indication that something was wrong.."mommy I can't eat breakfast" this kid never refuses food so I knew something was wrong he then proceeded to tell me that he didn't feel well all night but didn't want to bother me because I needed my rest. That statement had me crying in my coffee..it was short lived and I was cleaning puke of the bedroom carpet in no time. It was thankfully a fast moving tummy bug and he was much improved by Friday evening and completely better on Saturday. David came home from the hospital Saturday and while not all better or heeled making steps in the right direction..I hope. Woke up Sunday morning and poor Oscar was limping.....see I told you they are all trying to drive me crazy

In Case Emergency

everyone is familiar with listing a contact as ICE in your cell phone but here a a few helpful hints that you might not have considered or maybe you have it's just stuff that came up for me this week
-if you are on any regular medications write them down on an index card with exact dosage. It's easy to hand to an EMT worker or a nurse in the ER, also include any allergies you may have.
-if a loved one is in the hospital you may consider packing an emergency bag in your car clothes, deodorant a toothbrush, ibuprofen if you are prone to headaches or are sleeping on a chair next to someones hospital bed..those things are not built for comfort.
As luck would have it I found myself bunking in David's hospital room due to an icy conditions Wednesday evening. They gave me lovely little grey booties for my feet and a baggie with toothpaste & a toothbrush oh a comb too. It would have been nice to have had some pj pants to slip on & be comfy in.
-if you are dealing with hospital time and or frequent doctor visits throw a book in your car or your ipod or ipad something to keep you amused and occupied. I forgot a book but that was remedied but a quick visit to the gift shop.
-if you are taking someone to the ER a quick bag thrown together for them might be a good idea if they are admitted it saves a trip back home

but it's valet parking!!!

as we were waiting for the car to be brought around at the hospital C tried to wrap his head around the idea of valet parking...
"you mean you just give them the keys to your car AND the car? just seems like a bad idea to me"

not a fan of the in sickness part of those vows

I need a really good hug
I need someone next to me a night to rub my head and lull me into sleep
I even need him to be back snoring next to me waking me up
I miss my husband and want him better soon

it's a lot to ask of a 10 year old

I have to go to school and work today and as luck would have it C has a snow day so I have been instructing him on some basic care taking methods for his father, just for today, just for a little while. MIL will be over later so I am not entrusting hubby care entirely on the boy but it did strike me that I can't ask this of the kid in any real capacity..it's not fair on his 10 year old self. Looking at the calendar Christmas break is fast upon us and I want to keep C as occupied as humanly possible during that time. Yesterday we were blessed with enough snow to sled and a great new neighbor who fed & kept a general eye out on C. Today I am going to call his old daycare and see if there are any spots open over the holiday break so he can spend his days with his pals there and I am going to take up some friends on their offers of how can we help as well to keep the kiddo busy, happy & distracted.

and more on that illness thing

most of the right now angst for me surrounding David's illness is we don't know what is wrong and I am scared. I am not a particular fan of the unknown. After a long Saturday we called an ambulance to bring him to the ER to hopefully get some relief. Which we did some relief not a cure and a CT scan & blood work showed nothing. While grateful for that there is a small part that wished they found XYZ and we can do ABC to fix him however they sent him home. Yesterday was rough again but less so than Saturday. Perhaps now insurance will grant the MRI they were questioning clearly something is wrong with the man and I want him fixed dammit. Have I mentioned Christmas is less than 2 weeks away? We have a tree up with lights but no ornaments, my card were ordered just this weekend, have everything ready to do some baking it just has not happened, Christmas gifts well I am going to shop online for C today everyone else will just have to wait this year. I am hanging on by a thread trying to focus on just getting through each individual day.

way to boost my spirits

David is in poor health right now and it has been a trying time quickly for us....I was in tears talking to my mother last night and in her attempts to buoy my spirits she commented on the line of strong women I come from " yourgreat grandmother, well your grandmother wasn't so strong, a strong mother.."
wait a minute what if it skips a generation then I'm screwed too like my grandmother bwahahaa actually the laugh did cheer me up somewhat. Sleep helped a whole pile more.