from the is it really necessary files

those stick figure bumper stickers with your family....do we really need to know you have 2.3 kids, a dog,a cat, 3 fish and a bunny?

dear US Government

-first off huge waste of money sending me a letter telling me you are sending me a census form then sending me a census form
-it probably even came on a Saturday for all I know, yes please drop Saturday delivery of mail it'll save tons of money and most of us can wait till Monday to get our junk mail
-kudos on the "count" of gays & lesbians; families do indeed come in all forms!
-they come in all colors too.....my son is multi-racial, hell for that matter most of the south has American-Indian blood of some sort in their background, anywho no box to denote any variations on that

no I don't want fries with that

-I do not want to try the hot chocolate
-I do not want a second sandwich for a dollar
-I do not want to donate a dollar to diabetes research
-or earthquake relief
-or any other charity of the week
-I do not want to save 10% and open a charge card
-I do not want to join your email list I am already on your email list
I am spending money at your establishment can't that just be enough for now?

Sunday randomness

-dear neighbor who always leaves your garbage can at the curb I have once again resisted the temptation to knock the can over..is is so much effort to walk it to your house and then back down to the curb once a week...like all the rest of us do?
-dear lady in the grocery attempting to shop with 4 kids in tow thanks for reaffirming my decision to only have the 1
-dear parent who was no where in sight while your 2 boys were acting stupid and running around in the grocery maybe you should have stuck with none or maybe just control the 2 'ya got
-does it not figure meet the teacher day would be on the afternoon I will be out of town? not that 2-3 in the afternoon is a golden time for me anyway... much thanks to MIL for being able to pick up my slack
-dear work I do regard having to come in for an hour long meeting today as ruining my entire weekend. I have been at this job for over a decade and then some these meeting tend to be the exact same meeting no really the exact same meeting. and trust me they stopped being fun when alcohol was banned several years ago

pretty sure they are standard on vehicles these days

turn signals or directionals if you prefer.
The little stick to the left of your steering wheel you can flip the stick upwards to indicate a right turn and conversely with a flick of the wrist downwards you can indicate a left turn. And the beauty part.....wait for it......the turn signal will turn itself off after you have completed your turn.
Similarly they can be used to indicate any sort of lane change you may be making unfortunately you will have to turn the directional off yourself in this case but it will making a click click click noise to remind that it needs to be turned off

NO I do not want a credit card!!!!!

so many of the stores I frequent are hassling me and now even Kroger is getting in on the act and I am so very tired of being asked if I want to apply for a credit card and save blah blah% today....
NO! and quit asking if I want a credit card from your establishment!!!!
I would apply for one if I wanted it so no no thank you I have absolutely no interest in a credit card today.

irreconcilable dish washing

It makes my skin crawl to let David do the dishes really from washing to putting them up he drives me batty. First he never really rinses stuff off which I do, he then throws as much as physically possible into the machine not concerning himself with items that do not belong in the dishwasher or only belong on the top shelf or blocking where the water streams. Of course it is generally quite full because instead of emptying a clean dishwasher he will empty just a few things in order to fit in the newer dirtier dishes and then re-run the load and he would do this continually if I didn't step into to actually empty the dishwasher. Of course when he does put things away he puts them in the wrong places and never can manage to put the plastic ware with it's corresponding lid resulting in many many mismatched and completely useless plastic containers.
So if we ever divorce the decree is certain to read irreconcilable dish washing!

quit calling me

is there a do not call number for cell phones?? because I am sick and tired of the automated junk calls! The wait is entirely too long to try and get a real person so you can be removed from their call lists likewise waiting for the end of the spiel just to press whichever random number they have picked for you to press so you won't get their damned annoying phone calls any longer and that is assuming that is effective... The calls from CA have stopped but the ones from Washington DC started today. However I did press #2 so maybe they'll be from MI tomorrow

grand theft baby Jesus

when we were first married like a million years ago one the the neighborhoods we would drive through would put a beautiful creche in their yard each holiday season. It was a very nice manager scene with what appeared to be wooden figures, maybe hand carved, just read as not plastic plug in kind. But what would drive me ever loving bonkers each year would be the fact the Jesus figurine was in the manger the entire season! You do not put baby Jesus in his crib until Christmas Eve!!!!! I always threatened to steal him then put him back when he was suppose to be there but I never did. Who knows I might run a reconnaissance mission this weekend...

taxpayer field

one of many things that irk me is the seemingly endless practice of corporations getting stadiums & arenas renamed after them. I understand corporate sponsorship, lots of money blah blah but can't they find another way to get their name out there? naming every skybox or parking garage after the sponsor? or even street names perhaps? plastering logos over everything? something, anything other than taking away the personality & history of these venues. After all it did not work out so well for Enron field and now the diabolical plot to rename Shea Stadium is in question. With the current bailout some NY politicians are suggesting renaming the stadium Taxpayer field!

what do you call your MIL?

no no I mean to her face.
It never occurred to me to call MIL anything but her given name. She isn't my mom, I have a mom that I call mom why would I call MIL mom too?